Dilemma

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joeden
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Dilemma

Postby joeden » Mon Apr 24, 2017 11:15 am

Being a frequent dresser I've now come into a time of frustration, my son and girlfriend have moved in and have ruined my chances to get dressed as and when I feel the need.
I work away for weeks at a time with no opportunity or possibility to dress and this time home my wife and I were away on holiday, I'm back off to work on Tuesday now so no chances to dress at all, my wife knows I dress and understands I need to de-stress through dressing, I'm fine right now as I'm still relaxed after our holiday but I know the frustration of not being able to dress is going to stress me out, it's fine having my son home and I know my needs may seem selfish but it has really thrown a spanner in the works for me, underdressing works for some and it does to a degree with me but I've got to a stage where my fix generally requires the whole nine yards, clothes, shoes, padding, wig, jewellery, nails and make up.
Oooh what to do? Have any of you been in a similar situation? And how have you dealt with it?

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DebbieT
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Re: Dilemma

Postby DebbieT » Wed Apr 26, 2017 9:52 am

How did I cope?

I didn't.

I transitioned.

Debbie

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nicola2011
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Re: Dilemma

Postby nicola2011 » Wed Apr 26, 2017 6:46 pm

My daughter has just been for three days it seems it was 3 months total frustration

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Karen1950
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Re: Dilemma

Postby Karen1950 » Thu Apr 27, 2017 4:02 pm

I used to go to the bedroom, lock the door and dress up and be Karen for a while. It's not ideal, but better than being totally back in the closet!

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Sara.G
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Re: Dilemma

Postby Sara.G » Sat Apr 29, 2017 2:43 am

Hi Joeden,

I can fully empathise with your situation, my step-daughter moved in with us a few months ago and I have been in the same situation. TBH your options are limited and ultimately you will face situations which you would rather avoid.

Depending on the viewpoint of those affected you could sit down and discuss the issue head on - if they have any understanding of the trans or LGBT community this could be favourable to you. Often telling family and friends can be the most daunting prospect in your mind but in reality is no more a revelation than telling them that you enjoy going to the pub on a friday night and ordering cocktails instead of beer. Since your wife is aware and understands your needs, perhaps you could engineer a situation where you lose a "bet" with her and have to spend the evening dressed as a woman - your wife could then dress you and enlist your son's girlfriend to assist in transforming you. You could take this further by having your wife suggest that they utilise their skills to see how realistic they could make you appear.

Otherwise, it may be a case of taking opportunities as they arise or you could ensure that if they have a night out that they are absent longer - if they are going out, slip them a few quid to ensure that they are able to stay out longer.

With my step-daughter, my wife engineered the situation where she challenged me to wear a dress for the evening but allowed me to dictate what items were worn. A few days later we introduces the idea to our daughter that an "escape" of this sort would help alleviate the stress that I was under due to being my wife's main carer and having to deal with every aspect of day to day life. We are at the stage where I can dress if I wish but unless otherwise indicated will only do so when our daughter is either away or has retreated to her room in the evening. One unexpected benefit has been that as our daughter has studied beauty therapy she has given me a few makeovers when she has been confronted by my efforts to apply make-up and suggested a few alterations to which products I use.

My advice would be to assess the situation and mood, discuss the general subject in loose terms (plenty opportunities arise from news articles or even chance encounters with other cd's/trans people in day to day life). If the responses are favourable then you can progress towards the goal of compromise which allows you some time to indulge yourself. Remember that you have already faced the issue when telling your wife, so you have an ally who can help explain the needs of the situation - she could confirm that by dressing you are less irritable and more amenable to other suggestions.

Sara
"Denying who you really are, only leads to regrets later in life. Seize the moment because it will never come around again."

I have been reliably informed that I am a much bigger bitch when I am NOT Sara!!!!

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joeden
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Re: Dilemma

Postby joeden » Sat Apr 29, 2017 9:44 pm

Sara, I'm delighted that this has worked for you but in my case it's definitely a great big NO, not going to happen, I don't want either of my sons to know what I do, am I ashamed of it? well in all honesty, yes, I live in a small town and it's not going to be accepted as "normal behaviour " I dare say my sons may be a bit more open minded than I give them credit for but I like being the dad I am to them and don't want to complicate or jeopardise our relationship.

I'll need to find another way to get my fix, perhaps my wife's suggestion of dressing for my drive to the city I work from is a way forward for now, though how much satisfaction I'll get from that I don't know as I said I need to fully dress, at least some of the time, oh the suggestion was to also wear coveralls over my clothes.

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joeden
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Re: Dilemma

Postby joeden » Tue May 09, 2017 9:28 pm

To make matters worse, I have family issues going on now back home, I'm away at work and feel totally helpless, stressed and frustrated, I'm ok where I am as I know I cannot dress to relieve the stress and relax, I've accepted this some time ago, however I know as soon as I get back I'll be desperate to get a fix and it's just not feasible, it's going to drive me nuts.

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Sara.G
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Re: Dilemma

Postby Sara.G » Fri May 12, 2017 1:22 am

Hang in there ... they always say that things look blackest before they get better. Although Mrs G usually reminds me when that maxim is wheeled out that I am still a stingy Fifer at heart and putting the light on would solve the problem.

That doesn't really help though .... however, in common with several other sons and daughters of the fair Kingdom betwixt Forth and Tay I do have a mind that never rests. So on to idea number whatever - the problem you have is that you need to de-stress by dressing but are unable to do so due to family members residing with you. Perhaps you could find a concert or event which you know they would be interested in but is sufficiently far away to require an overnight stay - maybe you could encourage them to make a weekend break of the trip by offering to help pay for a hotel or B&B for them.

Not a brilliant idea I admit but if it allows you a night or two every 3 or 4 months when you can be yourself then it could be worth the expense - plus I can also appreciate that having grown-up kids returning to the nest can disrupt the routine we "oldies" lapse into once they have gone, so the bonus is Mrs Joeden also gets a little respite and time to put her feet up too.
"Denying who you really are, only leads to regrets later in life. Seize the moment because it will never come around again."

I have been reliably informed that I am a much bigger bitch when I am NOT Sara!!!!

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joeden
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Re: Dilemma

Postby joeden » Fri May 12, 2017 9:09 pm

I'm afraid they don't share any common interests for that, besides my wife would kill the pair of them if she was stuck with them for any length of time,,, hey problem solved lol no seriously that's not an option.
Besides I'm used to being able to dress at least once a week when I'm home, I'm sure I'll figure something out, I hope

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GothGirl
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Re: Dilemma

Postby GothGirl » Sun May 28, 2017 10:34 pm

I understand your dilemma, as I also cannot really dress around the house due to changing circumstances. I found it very frustrating, but now I've adapted & can make space for myself it's not so bad.
You just need to come up with a cunning plan. Fighting the circumstances just stressed me out.

I take a day off work every month or so, dress up & go out. I could just stay around the house dressed, but much prefer to go out shopping & stuff, away from the area where I live.

I always keep my body as hairless as possible too, so if an unexpected opportunity arises I'm not wasting time de-fuzzing & can just dress up & go.

Maybe accept you have to dress up less, but make an event of it when you do?
I only smile if I have a reason...


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