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*J* sounds like she's having similar issues to a lot of late onset transgender women.
This site; CDZ, is good for advice, though the delay is considerable. As for dating...we're not set up for that (though the Club Cross Dressing /cross dressing village site that owns this one seem to be).
Other sites are transtastic and tvchix, which are 80% dating for trans people and 20% advice and support.
There are groups that meet in both Edinburgh and Glasgow that I know of, which you can find through the scottishtrans.org website.
One of our members here (Carla) has (up until recently) been living in Glasgow and highly rates it as a safe city for transwomen.
Encourage *J* to sign up here, and we will help if we can!