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Ever since I started to cross dress as a youth I always wanted to be more girly and feminine but everytime I act that way I just look completely stupid. I wish I had manners that were moore feminine and had parts of my body that were more that of a female. Instead I have an avaerage male body and hairy arms and nothing on my body is feminine at all. I know that its something that will never change but inside I feel like I am so feminine and girly but on the outside I am not. I wish my genitals were smaller so it would be easier for me to tuck and look like I was a female when I am wearing clothes that I enjoy wearing. I try and grow my hair long but then it gets on my nerves and I take it off and cut it short and have a military look to it.
I served in the Army for three years and I was and have always been very masculine but deep down inside I have always had feminine feelings that I have always been too much of a coward to make public. Also I love having a beard and that just makes me look strange when I dress up in my home and look in the mirror and see myself wearing a female swimsuit and there I am with a beard. I guess I am not the typical cross dresser but perhaps that is a good thing to be outside of the box.
Thats what I have been thinking, I buy enough things that will make me look a female then my body won't look that bad. I need to buy these things:
1. Breast Forms - Nice size so they stick out and the attention of people is just on my breasts 2. A couple bras to fit my forms - I have realized that my bra band size is like 42 or so 3. A decent wig with lots of hair 4. A dress or a skirt or blouse that covers my body really well 5. A girdle to keep my fat stomach out of the way (I will start to slim down once I start to ski this winter) 6. Some make up lip stick and etc 7. Get rid of my beard
I will slowly start to get these things over time, so much with saving this winter, might have to pick up a second job just to support my female lifestyle,