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It's almost a year since my wife passed away. Although I crossdressed before and occasionally throughout or marriage, I now find I'm tending to dress more en Femme than male. Any time I'm not with my family, which is three or four days a week and most evenings, I'm dressed. At the moment (Saturday 23 May 2015 at 9.16am), I've done my makeup painted my nails and dressed in a loose skirt and light lace top. Sat outside, the neighbours seem to have still been in bed while I had my coffee outside, clear blue sky not a breath of wind and everything feel great. Every night I go to bed wearing a bra and breastforms and my nightie. I'm beginning to feel that my male persona is when I crossdress. I know my sexual orientation is hetrosectual, there again I do feel that given the chance I could live as a woman and enjoy every moment. This would mean I could have male friends with whom I could form relationships. I know I'm not gay, I often think about gender change. I have memories of when I was a child wishing I had been born female. What am I? Heterosexual, Gay, Crossdresser or transgender? Alison x
I am so sorry to learn you lost your wife recently. I know I would feel both sad and lost at such a time.
I write this on Saturday evening, its been warm here so spent the day outdoors in shorts. I am now sitting in the study dressed in T shirt and beach skirt because it's cooler than trousers or shorts - and of course because I like to cross-dress given any excuse !
I am no expert and I am sure others will be able to offer detailed advice, but from what you have said I would say you cross-dress because you lean towards transgender.
Alison as far as i can tell with what you have said , and if i were to state a label at this time, as ive said i think labels will always be there and are needed, so with that I would go with Straight - Transvestite (as you wish to present as female) with underline Transgender tendencies, but to find out how far into the trans spectrum you will go you will have to walk the path and see where it leads. . . . .
I don't bother with Hello's anymore as for most of you that's all you'll do here . . . . OMG i'm such a bitch. . . !
Thanks for the replies Ladies, I think after 41 years of marriage to a wife who was my soulmate, best friend, lover etc. My loss of her has opened the floodgates of emotion and a certain freedom to do what I want. Constantly dressing en-femme for long periods of time has brought its own issues, hence my original question "What am I?" Looking at some of the answers from you ladies and from other sources, I'm happy with being Alison and given the chance would trance-gender. Although I live alone now and given my age I doubt that trance-gender would be an option. For now I will keep on dressing and enjoy it as much as I can. Alison x
There's no age limit on being transgender. Nor one on transitioning. I have a friend who finally went for the operation aged 62.
You say you would live full time if you could. What's stopping you?
If you can answer that, it'll tell you how far along the spectrum you lie. As the spectrum is infinite, labels are not applicable.
The point at which you say, I'm not full time because I have to be male, but can't define the reason for having to be male, it probably means you don't really want to give up that male privilege.
For instance, I spend some time male because my eldest child is at an age where peer acceptance is very important, and easily lost. Anything that marks him out could be disastrous for his self-esteem and chances in his exams. I am male for my kids, and my kids only. I know I'm a long way along the spectrum, and would have the operation today if I thought my eldest would survive the transition. My youngest is less of an issue, he's far more social and robust. This puts a time frame on the last trace of my masculinity.
This is nothing to do with sexual preference. I find men unattractive. I certainly wouldn't want to sleep with one.
Gender and sexuality aren't linked.
If you want a relationship with a man, it probably means your bi (and that's okay), if you think that it's to make you a complete woman, it doesn't. You don't need a man to define you as a woman. It's okay to continue to find women attractive after transition.
Straight/gay start to become blurred when dealing with trans, it is far better to define your sexuality in terms of whom attracts you.
I know none of this answers your question. This is because there's only one person who has the answer, and that's you. The trick is to be 100% honest with yourself. Even if you lie to others, always tell yourself the truth. If one can live honestly, it makes one a happier person.
Hi Debbie, I thought about what you said. The only thing stopping dressing full time is my son and his family, my daughter and my best friend who is more like a brother than my brothers. My grandsons are young enough,1 and 3 years old, to not care or understand, they are definitely granda's boys.
I take your point that gender and sexuality are not linked. At the present I have no desire to have a sexual relationship with a man or CD, I am heterosexual. I do wonder if this would change if I started living as a woman. Who knows!!!
Four days out of the week and the seven nights I spend dresses as Alison. It's getting to the stage where I have to resist dressing to allow me to carryout changes I want to make to my home. I suppose I could dress casually en femme while doing this, would need to buy more cloths (there's a good reason to go shopping).posting.php?mode=reply&f=14&t=5130#
I did talk to my doctor about my crossdressing, I don't think he fully understood and said I would get over the feelings in time and it was a method of handling the loss of my wife. I've never went back to him......s!!http://www.crossdressingzone.com/posting.php?mode=reply&f=14&t=5130#!e Alison x
That doctor needs to go on one of the NHS courses about trans issues....
It may be the case for very young children that they grow out of trans feelings. My son's friend (E) lost his elder sister in a car accident. She was just 16. E grew his hair long and worse dresses. Fair play to his parents: they let him. They did go and see a child trans specialist, but as he was only 6, they just monitored him, because they didn't know if it was trans or trauma, but suspected trauma. When E got to 9, he stopped wearing dresses. it was the way he filled the gap that his sister had left.
There was no peer pressure on him to conform, all his friends were quite happy with him as a girl. He came to my son's birthday party in a pretty frock and with his hair braided. If I hadn't have known, I'd never have guessed.
However, as the children's services guessed, it looks like it was trauma.
It may be that E will revert back to dressing as a coping method, but one thing that told me he wasn't trans was he never wanted to change his name and when I asked him, he said he was a boy.
Now, for this, I'm a little unsure. Although his friends were happy, his parents were happy, and his school were happy, was there a subtle pressure from society that said "be a boy" and he's 'conformed'? I'm no expert, so I have to assume the specialists are right. Only E knows for sure.
For adults though....different story, we have more robust coping mechanisms. Did you never dress at all before losing your wife? Never have the desire to?
Your children sound old enough to deal with the information that you have trans feelings. Perhaps next time you're talking to them, you can sound them out with mention of Bruce Jenna or Eddie Izzard and see how they react to him. If they are seemingly accepting, you can then add "The reason I brought that up..."
Assuming you want to. There is no hierarchy, you don't HAVE to tell them. You should only tell them if you feel you're not living authentically and want to. Do this sooner rather than later, so your gandkids have a grandma, not a granddad. They'll take it in their stride.
As to the sex thing. A lot of trans people want the 'authentic female experience' and would consider things they wouldn't ordinarily consider. Again, it comes back to being honest with yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with finding men attractive, and wanting to be with one in a romantic way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being bi or bi-curious. You might decide to try it, and not like it - and that's fine too. Never do anything you're not comfortable with, if you go with that, you'll be okay, whatever path you choose.
I'm sorry you lost someone so dear to you. I can't imagine how difficult it would be. Somehow though life just continues, as yours has, with new opportunities presenting themselves each day. As Debbie said, you need to try and be honest with yourself about what you want and how you want to live your life and then weigh that against the perceived consequences. As someone told me once, "if at the end of your life you think you'd look back and regret not doing "X", then you probably should do it." IMHO - we each only get one go at life so live it.
Best to you. I have a hard enough time deciding what I want from one day to the next and please don't give me a menu of options!
One girl was called Jean Marie/ Another little girl was Felicity /Another little girl was Sally Joy /The other was me, and I'm a boy. (credit to P. Townshend)
Hi Debbie and Sonya, I don't think the medical practice has a problem with transgender people, a colleague I had worked with did have gender reassignment. I think it is this particular doctor.
Yes I did dress from before I was a teenager, throughout my teenage years and into my early 20's. After we were married I very rarely dressed. My wife and I discussed it, she was not happy and I agreed not to dress when she was around.
I can say that I have had a enjoyable life so far and regret nothing. Maybe this part of my life is to enjoy something different, I have the freedom to buy and own my own wardrobe, so far dressing has been a pleasure. I think I will continue as is and see where it leads.